Today, Haiti, Tomorrow...Haiti?

We are all aware of the Haitian humanitarian crisis. Many of us have given to various organizations that are helping to provide relief to a country desperately in need. I want to challenge you, however, to consider aid to Haiti in a new light.

According to the CIA World Factbook, Haiti's per capita income is $1,300 annually, ranking it 203rd in the world (out of 229). Inflation is 15.5% (194th highest in the world) and unemployment is not even reported as a number, rather as "widespread unemployment and underemployment; more than two-thirds of the labor force do not have formal jobs." These numbers are from well before the recent earthquake.

A tremendous amount of aid will pour into the country over the next few months. After that, our memories will fade, the money will dry up, and then what? Will more than half of Haitians finally be employed? Not likely. Recovery from disaster is hard...recovery from endemic poverty is nearly impossible.

So I want to challenge you to join me and my family in making a commitment that goes beyond a text message. For the past four years, we have been sponsoring Robendy through Compassion International. Robendy lives in Haiti and happens to have been born exactly 8 years to the day before our twins. He lives on the side of the island away from the worst of the damage, but beyond that, we know no more than you do about his current fate. He was our first thought on hearing about the earthquake.

Sponsorship is different than giving to disaster relief. Instead of a chunk of cash now, sponsorship is spread out over time, a steady drip of help to those in need. It keeps us engaged, and though the contributions are automated, we are constantly reminded through letters, updates, and bank statements that we are involved, every day, in what happens in Haiti.

Compassion is not the only organization that has a sponsorship model. Haiti is not the only country in the world with poverty. So I don't really care if you give through Compassion, and I don't particularly care if you give to Haiti. I do care that you make a commitment beyond the headlines. Haiti will need us next year, just like they did last year. Will you be there?


Click here to access Compassion International's sponsorship page.
Click here to access Compassion International's Haitian disaster relief page. 


PS - I did no research into other organizations for this post. If you have one you would recommend, please mention it in the comments. Also, if you have a sponsorship story, I would love to hear it.


(Photo credit to Compassion International)

Grand Adventures in Fatherhood

I have big dreams. Laying in bed, I dream about quitting my job and hiking the Appalachian Trail. I dream about running marathons...no, make that ultramarathons. I dream of taking a trip around the world, or just a month-long backpack through Australia. I dream of writing a book and starting a business and becoming a master cabinetmaker. The world is full of grand adventures, just waiting for me to get out of bed and get started.

Then my 18-month-old son wakes up crying. He wakes up his twin sister, and they start a chorus. So I climb out of bed, fill sippy cups with milk, and try to wake up before their 2.5-year-old brother gets out of bed. Soon enough, the volume level in the house increases ten-fold and I am reading Who Says Woof for the 10th time in a row while dreams of grand adventures fade quickly into the background.

Daily life with three kids under three can quickly become monotonous. They fight...again. They make up and play sweetly together...again. They yell, they eat, they throw food, they throw toys, we read board books...again. The dreams of a grand adventure grow bigger while the reality seems further and further away.

But does it have to be this way? Is fatherhood incompatible with the grand adventures of life? Of course not. Grand adventures are there, they just take a little more work. Here's how to make them happen.

1. No excuses.
   When my second and third kids were born, my wife and I made a commitment that our kids would not be an excuse. Having toddlers does not excuse me from exercising, reading, blogging, traveling, or anything else. Never use your kids as an excuse to withdraw from the world or to postpone your dreams. By making excuses, we make our kids responsible for our lives, and it's not their problem. You are still the one responsible for you, and having kids does not change that.
2. Get real.
   At the same time, we're responsible for them now, too. We have to be honest. Do you know who you are, who your wife is, who your kids are? Do you know energy levels, abilities to endure change, or physical requirements? Having three kids is different than having one. Having a 2-year-old is different than having a 12-year-old. A child with Down's Syndrome has different challenges than one with autism. You have to know the real boundaries in your life.
3. Keep dreaming.
   The one thing that kids never do is prevent us from dreaming. In fact, they can expand the dreams. Now I not only dream of running a marathon, I dream of running a marathon with a triple-stroller. I dream not just of re-learning to play the piano, but of playing a duet with my son. Keep dreaming and imagining the greatest life possible for you and your family.
4. Focus.
   Dreams are fun. Dreams lived out are even more fun. The trouble is, even without kids, trying to live all our dreams is a recipe for frustration. There is simply not enough time/money/energy to do them all. So focus. Pick one that you will commit to making happen. By taking the dreams one at a time, you can bring everything you have to bear on it and make it happen.
   
5. Be creative.
   Once you have the dream and a realistic view of the world, it's time to get creative. How can they fit together? How can you find time to read? Where will the money for plane tickets come from? How can you build that sleigh bed without risking your 3-year-old's fingers in the table saw? You have defined a problem clearly and have committed to not making excuses. There is a solution. It just requires some creativity to find it.
   
6. Recruit help.
   If you can achieve your dream on your own, then it's not a very big one. Small dreams are fine, but if you're dreaming big, you're going to need some help. The first person to recruit is your wife. If she isn't on your side, there are other blogs you should be reading. If your kids are old enough, recruit them. Look for other dads, in real life and online. Look for people who can support you physically (babysitting), emotionally (encouraging your dream), and mentally (helping brainstorm solutions). If you go it alone, you will likely fail. If you recruit help, you increase the chances of living the dream, and strengthen relationships along the way.
7. Go.
   The last step is the hardest. You just have to do it. You have to buy the tickets, leave the house, and get on the plane with all three kids. All the dreaming and planning is meaningless until you go, take action, and live the dream.

Finally, there is a mental shift that happens. Men, in particular, are wired for big things, action things. We want to build, move, take action and have an impact. Our dreams tend in those directions. Fatherhood changes the game a little, though. Rocking a newborn to sleep at 3 in the morning is not bold. Listening to a 6-year-old's piano recital is not dramatic. Picking a 12-year-old up from school does not make the news.

This is where the shift happens, though. My son's excitement to see the elephant's bath at the zoo, my daughter's squealing when I come home after work, or my kids spontaneously saying "I love you" does things in my heart that no other dream can ever do. Fatherhood is the grandest of grand adventures. As you take action to make your other dreams happen, remember that simply being "Dad" is the greatest dream of all.

Now go and live it.

(Photo credit to jbrindes)

The End (of 2009)

Between 10/19/06 and 8/24/09, I wrote six posts for this blog. I officially relaunched on 8/25/09 and have since written over twenty times that number, with this post being number 130. My reason for blogging is to help refine my thinking, and to give myself an outlet for all the input that I am inclined to gather. Since output is not natural for me, I decided to follow Seth's lead (in posting rate, not quality of content) and require daily posts through the end of the year. The end has now come.

I learned through the process that there is a lot to write about. Ideas were never a problem. I also learned that writing every day is good for me. It is enjoyable, and has succeeded in forcing me to think. However, it turns out that while writing every day is good, publishing every day is a little much. There were a few good posts, a few bad ones, and a lot of middling ones. The pace eliminated much possibility of editing, and first drafts generally are not that good. That is the nature of writing, but there is no need for me to subject you to it.

So going forward I will no longer require daily posting of myself. It is a bit of a relief. We'll have to see what actually happens. (Note that there is no implication that the quality will increase when quantity diminishes.)

Enough about me, what about you? While I write primarily for myself, I appreciate readers as well. Are you deriving any value? Does it matter to you whether I continue writing or not? If so, are there topics that you would like to see more or less of? Leave a comment and let me know.

So that closes out 2009. Happy New Year, celebrate wildly, drive safely, and I'll see you on the other side.

Best books of 2009

As 2009 draws to a close, I thought I would look back at the books I have read this year. My reading tends to cover a pretty broad range, so instead of picking a single set of "best" books, I will give the award in several categories. To be on this list, the book must meet two criteria:

1. I must have read (or listened to, in the case of audiobooks) the book in its entirety, and completed it in the 2009 calendar year. I am in the middle of a couple right now that would make the list if I were to finish them before December 31. I won't, though, so they can go on next year's list. This limits the candidate pool to about 35 books.
   
2. The book must be worth reading. By using categories, I could easily recommend everything ("Best Book to Read After All Quality Literature is Confiscated"), but I won't. If it is on this list, it won't waste your time. 

Best Book for Getting Your Butt Off the Couch
Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
I wrote about a lack of inspiration before reading this book. I then read it and was inspired. McDougall tells the story of a tribe of Native Americans who run. A lot. He talks about humanity's prehistoric running and the possibility that we (Homo Sapiens) out-competed the Neanderthals because we were better distance runners. Most amazingly, he describes a persistence hunt, where African bushmen literally run an antelope to death. It made me want to run a marathon, and no book (or anything else) has ever done that before.

Best Book for Learning What Everyone Should Know
Basic Economics by Thomas Friedman
Most of what I have to say about Friedman's book, I have already said. I tweeted at one point that no one should be allowed to have an opinion about anything until they have read this book. That stance is a little strong, but it is a decent place to start. Life involves trade-offs, and economics is the science of those trade-offs. If you do not have a basic grasp of those, the reality of the world will smack down anything you attempt. Everyone should already know this stuff, but very few people talk like they do. Don't be in the majority on this one.


Best Book for Reading about Writing
On Writing by Stephen King
I have never read any of King's fiction, and do not really plan to. His genre does not appeal to me, but his philosophy of writing is well written. He says little that others have not said, but he says it as well as anyone. Read a lot, write what you care about, and write a lot. He probably implies a greater likelihood of success than is really out there, but otherwise he is dead on. It applies to most of life, too. Work hard at what you care about, and the rest will follow.


Best Book for Rethinking Education
Weapons of Mass Instruction by John Taylor Gatto
I posted a couple snarky items inspired by this book (here and here). I cannot say I am particularly proud of them, but the book's immediate effect was to really get me down on institutional schooling (including, but not limited to, public schools). As a product of America's public school system, the book made me feel shortchanged. Gatto is an evangelist, and preaches hard. The reason to read this book is not, however, to pull your kids out of public school and join a commune. The book forces us to think about things that we normally do not, but are very important. What is education? Why do we go to school? Why bother learning at all? What should we learn? No matter what education decisions you make for your kids, you owe it to them to make the decisions consciously, and this book will not let you do otherwise.


Best Cookbook
The Breath of a Wok by Grace Young and Alan Richardson
My family gave me a wok for my birthday earlier this year, which I had wanted for a while. This book came from the library to train me in the art of wok cooking. A random selection that was a wonderful experience to read and cook from. I posted about it here, and of all the wok-books I have read, it still remains the most inspiring and useful.


Best Books for Dads
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker and The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge
Since I have had kids, I have tried to channel some of my reading into learning about being the dad they deserve. I have a long ways to go. I am learning, though. I have both sons and a daughter, so I read books this year covering both of them. I described Meeker's book earlier. Eldredge's book is both for fathers and men in general, following up on his earlier Wild at Heart. This one goes into detail about the stages of the masculine journey and how we can lead our sons (and ourselves) through them. The translation of Eldredge's ideas from his (apparently) idyllic Colorado mountain ranch to the suburbs of Houston is always difficult for me, but the effort is worthwhile. Intentionality in raising our kids is always better than simply going with the flow.


Best Book by Dad
Spycraft by Robert Wallace and Keith Melton
My dad has written three books, and Spycraft is the best of them (though I have only started the third). It tells the story of the Office of Technical Services (OTS), the CIA's gadget-geeks, from the 1940's to the 1990's. Operations are described with a focus on the cool gear, making much of the book read like a James Bond film told by Q. The Cuban prison chapter is worth the price of the book on its own. Plus, if you're looking for an autographed copy, I can probably arrange something.


Best Book to Make You Stop Reading This Blog
The Tyranny of Email by John Freeman
The final book in the list, and one of the last books I read this year (it was a Christmas gift), may have the least literary value, but the biggest impact on my day-to-day life. It is a call to slow down communication and unplug from the internet just a little bit. I wrote more about it here, and some of the other thoughts it raised here and here.

In the end, I hope you do not stop reading my blog. If you do, though, I hope it is to make time for books like these. Books open the world in a way blogs and Twitter and cable news never can, and we all need more of them in our lives. Read. A lot. And let me know what your best books of 2009 were. I'm always looking for ideas.