I recently had a revelation about the reorganization and downsizing at work. There are two broad categories of people now working...those that will continue to work, and those that will be laid off. The revelation was that for most of the people in both groups, today is about the same.
They come to work, they do what they are asked to do, they eat lunch, they gossip and worry and try to predict the future. Those that will no longer be working do not (for the most part) have "Short-Timer" on their badge or a day-to-day lease on their office. We are all just doing our jobs as best we can.
Yet behind the scenes, there is more going on. The managers and decision makers have opinions and thoughts. Whether they can articulate it or not, they already know if they really want to keep you (and me) or not. At the same time, they may not know what they think until the question is asked, and even if they do, it is unlikely that they will share it with us.
The conclusion? You cannot trust the nice. Nice is what everyone will be until they hire or fire you. Taking confidence from someone's outward demeanor is completely unfounded. Rarely is anyone truly evil, but rarely will they be open and honest with themselves or with you from the beginning.
So what to do? First, stop being mediocre. The excellent ones get genuine praise, not ambivalent niceties. Second, base your thoughts, emotions, and actions on your reality, not others'. This goes for positive and negative stuff from others. In the end you get to live with you, I get to live with me, and others live with themselves. No one gets to trade places.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Agree or Disagree or Both or Neither?
Scott Young recently posted about advice he disagrees with, including some of his own. It is a fun post because
It is fantastic to read something that both affirms and challenges me at the same time. The list isn't long. Go read it and see if you can find yourself nodding in agreement and writing him off as a fool at the same time. I did.
- I agree with him
- I disagree with him
It is fantastic to read something that both affirms and challenges me at the same time. The list isn't long. Go read it and see if you can find yourself nodding in agreement and writing him off as a fool at the same time. I did.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Key to a Happy Marriage
The title is a bit ambitious and very misleading. If you think that a blog post will give you The Key to a happy marriage, then you are
a) reading the wrong blog and
b) fooling yourself.
There is a key that I am thinking about today, though. Self-awareness. Simply the ability to know what I am feeling and thinking plus why I am feeling and thinking that way. If I do not know myself, why would my wife have a chance?
As an example, imagine I am mad at my wife. If I know that the reason is that she said something that touched a core insecurity around finances, I can tell her that and we can sort it out. If all I know is that I'm mad and she's a jerk, there is not much to work with.
So be aware of yourself. Check your thoughts and feelings, figure out what they are all about, and share them with your spouse. You'll both be glad you did.
a) reading the wrong blog and
b) fooling yourself.
There is a key that I am thinking about today, though. Self-awareness. Simply the ability to know what I am feeling and thinking plus why I am feeling and thinking that way. If I do not know myself, why would my wife have a chance?
As an example, imagine I am mad at my wife. If I know that the reason is that she said something that touched a core insecurity around finances, I can tell her that and we can sort it out. If all I know is that I'm mad and she's a jerk, there is not much to work with.
So be aware of yourself. Check your thoughts and feelings, figure out what they are all about, and share them with your spouse. You'll both be glad you did.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Jail Time
It is perhaps an odd fantasy, but sometimes I wish I were in jail. I wish I were locked away from the world not because it needs protection from me, but because I want to escape from it.
In my fantasy, jail is a place where I have all the time I want to read, think, write, sleep, work-out...all the things that I want to do but that are crowded out by petty things like work and cleaning the kitchen.
Jail, of course, comes with a cost, and that cost is far too high a price for a couple more books. It makes me think, though; if I want that extra time to do those other things, why do I not make it happen? Why do I let the world put so many demands on me that I would feel more free in jail than out?
The truth is, jail would put the responsibility in someone else's hands. Without it, my time is my own responsibility. I can play games, watch TV, read, or play with my kids. The walls of the jail must be built by my own discipline. By shutting out what I do not want, I have the freedom to enjoy what I do. By allowing in what I do not want, I trap myself. I alone bear the blame for my choices.
Discipline is hard. Discipline is freedom.
In my fantasy, jail is a place where I have all the time I want to read, think, write, sleep, work-out...all the things that I want to do but that are crowded out by petty things like work and cleaning the kitchen.
Jail, of course, comes with a cost, and that cost is far too high a price for a couple more books. It makes me think, though; if I want that extra time to do those other things, why do I not make it happen? Why do I let the world put so many demands on me that I would feel more free in jail than out?
The truth is, jail would put the responsibility in someone else's hands. Without it, my time is my own responsibility. I can play games, watch TV, read, or play with my kids. The walls of the jail must be built by my own discipline. By shutting out what I do not want, I have the freedom to enjoy what I do. By allowing in what I do not want, I trap myself. I alone bear the blame for my choices.
Discipline is hard. Discipline is freedom.
