2010 year in review - literary edition

Fifty.

That was the goal, and on December 26, I finished Oil by Upton Sinclair, my 50th book of 2010.

I shared this goal a while back as a way to motivate myself to keep learning. It worked. I learned, for example, about

• The 14th Century (A Distant Mirror by Barbara Tuckman)
• Running (ChiRunning by Danny Dreyer)
• Randomness (The Black Swan by Nassim Taleb)
• Lewis and Clark (Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose)
• Ebola (The Hot Zone by Richard Preston)
• Leadership (Next Generation Leadership by Andy Stanley, among others)
• Philosophy (Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar... by Cathcart and Klein)
• Social networking, childhood disorders, personal finance, communication, trans-racial adoption, evolving definitions of manhood, etc.

The fastest reads took only a day. The longest was about 10 months. The average, obviously, was about a week. Many of the books were in audio form, allowing me to make good use of commute time. One was on a Kindle. Most were borrowed from the library.

When I set the goal of 50 books, I wasn't sure if it was reasonable, or even possible, what with three kids and all. I'm a fast reader, though, and having the goal kept me focused on continuing to read. Like any discipline, just keeping at it is the most helpful thing.

The thing that struck me toward the end of the year, though, was how many more books I haven't read than those I have. 50 is a small number next to the 10 on my bedside table, the 87 on my library list, and the 130+ on my Amazon list. Taleb (in The Black Swan), talks about the importance of the unread books. So I'm OK with having more unread books than read ones, but for 2011, I am making more specific goals than a simple number. In the interest of public accountability, here are 2011's book goals:

• 25 books by dead people. This will force me out of my tendency to read fluffy business books and encourage a little more intensity of material. (Note that while this does allow me to count Peter Drucker and Robert Jordan, I am counting on my good faith to not abuse them for the sake of the goal.) Specifically, I'd like to include at least
• The Old and New Testaments (counts as 2 books, not 66)
• One Shakespearean play
• One classic Greek drama/tragedy/comedy
• One 19th Century British
• One Russian
• One Southern writer (I may not actually be able to stomach this)
• One famous philosopher
• One church father
• 3 books on personal finance
• 3 books on parenting
• 3 books on energy
• 3 books on marriage
• All the books currently on my nightstand

That totals to 47, though there will be some overlap between categories. The rules are the same, I have to "read" the whole book, and finish it during 2011's calendar year. Audio books are encouraged, and the Kindle will play a much bigger role now that I have one of my very own. The clock starts in 90 minutes. Game on.

This post has been pretty self-centered, and there's probably not much here for others to actually read. With a quarterly posting schedule, I don't count on many readers anyway. If you've made it this far, though, I'd love to hear what your read in 2010, what your plans are for 2011, and if you've got any recommendations for my list. Happy New Year, and happy reading.

PS - For those who are curious, the complete list in order of completion can be found here. I've put my top five recommendations in italics, though there are plenty of good ones on there (and a few I'd skip). If you'd like additional thoughts on any of them, let me know.

Spiritual Constipation

The human digestive system works on a simple principle. Food goes in, waste goes out. Along the way, the body is nourished. Sometimes, though, something goes wrong and constipation results. Food goes in, nothing comes out. Along the way, the body hurts. Pain is a clear signal of malfunction.

The human spirit works on a similar principle. Food goes in, fruit goes out. Along the way, the spirit is nourished. Sometimes, though, something goes wrong and spiritual constipation results. Food goes in, nothing comes out. Along the way, the spirit hurts, but the signal it sends is more subtle than physical pain...(more)

This article was written for Lucid Magazine. Click here to read the rest of it and check out the other cool stuff.

How are you learning?

50 books.

That's my reading goal for 2010. In addition to blogs, magazines, and whatever else, my goal is to read 50 books by year-end. No limits on the genre, length, or quality...just 50 books. With 13 to date in the 1st quarter, I'm on track.

I have chosen this goal because books open up new worlds to me. New ideas, new facts, new ways of thinking; they all come to me through books. I read for entertainment, but above all, I read to learn. Learning leads to growth, and without growth, there is only decay. So despite all the demands on my time, I read.

The point of this post is not, however, to impress you with my reading goal (many people read more). Nor is it to encourage you to read more (though I think that's always a good idea). Rather, it is a question of learning. Specifically,

How are you learning?

If not through books, what? How? Are you listening to Open University courses? Online training sessions? Attending lectures? Blogs, magazines, newspapers?

Life keeps moving. The only way to keep up is to grow, and without learning, there is no growth. How are you keeping up? How are you learning?

(That last question is not rhetorical. I know how I'm learning, and I'm curious...how are you learning?)

On Connection

In the age of the internet, connectivity is everywhere. There are hundreds of apps and websites all seeking to connect us with others. It seems, as well, that this is something we desire. If we didn't care about connection, Web 2.0 would never have begun, let alone thrived. Yet, is there a limit? Can we be too connected?

There is only one way to find out (for an engineer). Derive the equation for the system and see if there is a maximum. Pretty easy, except that we are dealing with humans, not atoms, so there will have to be some approximation. So, simplifying it down, I propose the Connection Index (CI).

Connection Index = number of connections * average quality of each connection

I also propose that each of us desires to maximize our CI. Since the equation is straightforward, maximization of CI involves increasing the number of connections and/or their quality. It gets complicated when we consider that one of those factors is easy to both influence and measure, while the other is not.

As a result of man's aversion to complexity, we are therefore drawn to the simple factor: number of connections. We know that a single connection makes us feel good, so we strive to increase the number of connections, knowing that more connections leads to greater CI (assuming constant quality). Since we are ignoring quality because it is too complex, we might as well assume it is constant. So we have more Twitter followers, more Facebook friends, and more LinkedIn connections, each one linearly increasing our CI...right?

Clearly, this logic breaks down. A short pause is all it takes to realize that my 350th friend on Facebook does not have the same quality of connection that I do with my wife (at least, they better not). So if the average quality of each connection is not the same, our assumption of constant average quality may not be as valid as we would like to think.

Imagine, for example that you have one connection with your soul mate. Your best friend in the entire world. One connection times a very high average quality equals a high CI. Now add another connection of an old classmate whom you have not seen in 15 years (a common Facebook occurrence). Very little connection quality, dragging the average quality of connections down significantly. But the number doubled, so the overall CI likely went up a bit, since the connection with your soul mate is unaffected by this new Facebook friend. So far, so good...Facebook has increased our CI.

Continue the thought experiment for a while, now. More and more people friend you on Facebook. One introduces you to Twitter and mentions LinkedIn. MySpace looks interesting, as does Tumblr. Google throws in Wave and Buzz. Connections (and the platforms that facilitate them) are multiplying rapidly. Which is good, since more connections leads to greater CI...right?

This is where it gets sticky. All those connections are clamoring for time and attention. On Facebook, your spouse gets equal screen time with your college roommates who compete with your clients on LinkedIn. Simply having a connection requires something of you, and that something has to come from somewhere. That somewhere will eventually be from the time and attention spent on your soul mate, that first and strongest connection. At first, that is no big deal. But soon, a loss of time will lead to a loss of quality in that connection, and CI begins to drop.

By this reasoning, at some point, additional connections begin to reduce the average quality more than can be compensated by the added connection. CI starts dropping, and will continue to drop with more connections, likely accelerating as we try to compensate for the negative feeling of a lower CI with a greater number of connections. (Remember our focus on the easy part of the equation? Plus, it worked up until now, right?)

So where does that leave us? In an ever downward spiral of reaching for something that is fleeing from us faster than we can pursue it. Once CI begins to drop, the only way to stop the bleeding is to defy instinct and stop. Don't add more friends, don't join another network, just stop.

Then focus on the other half of the equation. Rather than increasing numbers, increase the quality. Spend more time with your spouse, face-to-face with friends. Invest in the connections you have, and maybe even cut off some of those that are wasting your time.

The index is what matters. Stop stressing quantity and make the quality happen.

Today, Haiti, Tomorrow...Haiti?

We are all aware of the Haitian humanitarian crisis. Many of us have given to various organizations that are helping to provide relief to a country desperately in need. I want to challenge you, however, to consider aid to Haiti in a new light.

According to the CIA World Factbook, Haiti's per capita income is $1,300 annually, ranking it 203rd in the world (out of 229). Inflation is 15.5% (194th highest in the world) and unemployment is not even reported as a number, rather as "widespread unemployment and underemployment; more than two-thirds of the labor force do not have formal jobs." These numbers are from well before the recent earthquake.

A tremendous amount of aid will pour into the country over the next few months. After that, our memories will fade, the money will dry up, and then what? Will more than half of Haitians finally be employed? Not likely. Recovery from disaster is hard...recovery from endemic poverty is nearly impossible.

So I want to challenge you to join me and my family in making a commitment that goes beyond a text message. For the past four years, we have been sponsoring Robendy through Compassion International. Robendy lives in Haiti and happens to have been born exactly 8 years to the day before our twins. He lives on the side of the island away from the worst of the damage, but beyond that, we know no more than you do about his current fate. He was our first thought on hearing about the earthquake.

Sponsorship is different than giving to disaster relief. Instead of a chunk of cash now, sponsorship is spread out over time, a steady drip of help to those in need. It keeps us engaged, and though the contributions are automated, we are constantly reminded through letters, updates, and bank statements that we are involved, every day, in what happens in Haiti.

Compassion is not the only organization that has a sponsorship model. Haiti is not the only country in the world with poverty. So I don't really care if you give through Compassion, and I don't particularly care if you give to Haiti. I do care that you make a commitment beyond the headlines. Haiti will need us next year, just like they did last year. Will you be there?


Click here to access Compassion International's sponsorship page.
Click here to access Compassion International's Haitian disaster relief page. 


PS - I did no research into other organizations for this post. If you have one you would recommend, please mention it in the comments. Also, if you have a sponsorship story, I would love to hear it.


(Photo credit to Compassion International)

Grand Adventures in Fatherhood

I have big dreams. Laying in bed, I dream about quitting my job and hiking the Appalachian Trail. I dream about running marathons...no, make that ultramarathons. I dream of taking a trip around the world, or just a month-long backpack through Australia. I dream of writing a book and starting a business and becoming a master cabinetmaker. The world is full of grand adventures, just waiting for me to get out of bed and get started.

Then my 18-month-old son wakes up crying. He wakes up his twin sister, and they start a chorus. So I climb out of bed, fill sippy cups with milk, and try to wake up before their 2.5-year-old brother gets out of bed. Soon enough, the volume level in the house increases ten-fold and I am reading Who Says Woof for the 10th time in a row while dreams of grand adventures fade quickly into the background.

Daily life with three kids under three can quickly become monotonous. They fight...again. They make up and play sweetly together...again. They yell, they eat, they throw food, they throw toys, we read board books...again. The dreams of a grand adventure grow bigger while the reality seems further and further away.

But does it have to be this way? Is fatherhood incompatible with the grand adventures of life? Of course not. Grand adventures are there, they just take a little more work. Here's how to make them happen.

1. No excuses.
   When my second and third kids were born, my wife and I made a commitment that our kids would not be an excuse. Having toddlers does not excuse me from exercising, reading, blogging, traveling, or anything else. Never use your kids as an excuse to withdraw from the world or to postpone your dreams. By making excuses, we make our kids responsible for our lives, and it's not their problem. You are still the one responsible for you, and having kids does not change that.
2. Get real.
   At the same time, we're responsible for them now, too. We have to be honest. Do you know who you are, who your wife is, who your kids are? Do you know energy levels, abilities to endure change, or physical requirements? Having three kids is different than having one. Having a 2-year-old is different than having a 12-year-old. A child with Down's Syndrome has different challenges than one with autism. You have to know the real boundaries in your life.
3. Keep dreaming.
   The one thing that kids never do is prevent us from dreaming. In fact, they can expand the dreams. Now I not only dream of running a marathon, I dream of running a marathon with a triple-stroller. I dream not just of re-learning to play the piano, but of playing a duet with my son. Keep dreaming and imagining the greatest life possible for you and your family.
4. Focus.
   Dreams are fun. Dreams lived out are even more fun. The trouble is, even without kids, trying to live all our dreams is a recipe for frustration. There is simply not enough time/money/energy to do them all. So focus. Pick one that you will commit to making happen. By taking the dreams one at a time, you can bring everything you have to bear on it and make it happen.
   
5. Be creative.
   Once you have the dream and a realistic view of the world, it's time to get creative. How can they fit together? How can you find time to read? Where will the money for plane tickets come from? How can you build that sleigh bed without risking your 3-year-old's fingers in the table saw? You have defined a problem clearly and have committed to not making excuses. There is a solution. It just requires some creativity to find it.
   
6. Recruit help.
   If you can achieve your dream on your own, then it's not a very big one. Small dreams are fine, but if you're dreaming big, you're going to need some help. The first person to recruit is your wife. If she isn't on your side, there are other blogs you should be reading. If your kids are old enough, recruit them. Look for other dads, in real life and online. Look for people who can support you physically (babysitting), emotionally (encouraging your dream), and mentally (helping brainstorm solutions). If you go it alone, you will likely fail. If you recruit help, you increase the chances of living the dream, and strengthen relationships along the way.
7. Go.
   The last step is the hardest. You just have to do it. You have to buy the tickets, leave the house, and get on the plane with all three kids. All the dreaming and planning is meaningless until you go, take action, and live the dream.

Finally, there is a mental shift that happens. Men, in particular, are wired for big things, action things. We want to build, move, take action and have an impact. Our dreams tend in those directions. Fatherhood changes the game a little, though. Rocking a newborn to sleep at 3 in the morning is not bold. Listening to a 6-year-old's piano recital is not dramatic. Picking a 12-year-old up from school does not make the news.

This is where the shift happens, though. My son's excitement to see the elephant's bath at the zoo, my daughter's squealing when I come home after work, or my kids spontaneously saying "I love you" does things in my heart that no other dream can ever do. Fatherhood is the grandest of grand adventures. As you take action to make your other dreams happen, remember that simply being "Dad" is the greatest dream of all.

Now go and live it.

(Photo credit to jbrindes)